What is emotional intelligence or EQ anyway?
Emotional intelligence (emotional quotient or EQ) is often defined as the non-verbal ability to use, understand, and manage your own emotions to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome ‘challenges’and transform conflict. EQ is also said to offer you ability to recognize and understand what others are experiencing emotionally.
Emotional intelligence is most commonly defined by these four attributes: Self-management, Self-awareness, Social awareness, and Relationship management.
Leaders are taking an interest in the idea of sharpening their ‘Emotional Intelligence’ skills; after all, Emotional Intelligence has been noted as the key asset in leadership with building stronger relationships, influence, high performance, and success in achieving goals.
Leaders are also looking to acquire these skills in order to improve their ability to ‘manage’ their own emotions and connect with others…
But are leaders looking at it the right way?
‘Skills’ indicate something needing to be learnt, acquired and built upon; ‘Management’ screams constantly controlling, or dealing with.
So far many leaders have been trying to ‘train themselves’ to improve their EQ, and the results have greatly varied, and have even been unstable… un-reliable. Perhaps mainly because we might have this all wrong.
So far Emotional Intelligence has always been looked at in a way of ‘additional’ skills, but something crucial is missing when we look at Emotional Intelligence. True Emotional Intelligence is actually an expression of the innate capacity we already possess.
What I am saying is that all the above attributes are not skills to be learned or acquired, but rather qualities of our innate selves that are capable to emerge, develop and deepen.
Yes, I am saying that they exist within everyone… with the capability to develop itself, as we get out of our own way of blocking it. We were built with intelligence beyond our own comprehension. I am not saying that we are purposely or forcefully blocking it, I am pointing you to the fact that not noticing our capabilities for deep Emotional Intelligence has more to do with a misunderstanding of ‘how’ we experience life moment to moment. Because we are not noticing this crucial piece, we end up getting in our own way of thriving in our innate capacity of Emotional Intelligence, along with all the ‘skills’ we already possess.
I will attempt to point to you here how we get in the way of utilizing our natural capacity of Emotional Intelligence, and the great news is that I will not point you towards adding more things to do, or acquire!
Rather, it is a subtractive approach…
In order for me to best guide you in this correct direction, I must point out to you the obvious, yet not always so obvious, pre-existing logic and wisdom of ‘how’ we experience life moment-to-moment. This is the golden nugget; a direct short-cut to self-realization, awareness, confidence… as well as success, performance, strong relationships and communication, effortless leadership and much more!
And as you look in this direction, you will have your own realizations into all the possibilities it opens up for you.
Sit back, open up, and explore as I unveil to you the logic and wisdom of how our minds work… and the simple, yet, deceptive misunderstanding that block us from our full potential.
We are always directly experiencing the feeling of our thinking in each moment.
Thought and the feeling of our thinking are inseparable.
This is crucial to know; because it is when we unnaturally split feeling from thought, we fall immediately into insecurity. We get insecure thinking, and then we find ourselves in a reaction to our own thinking.
When we unnaturally split feeling from thought, we are putting power onto something other than thought as the cause of our feelings.
In this insecure state, we experience a lot of thinking, worry, fear, doubt, and difficulty with making or taking decisions. Our judgment becomes clouded, we become reactive to our emotions, feel overwhelmed, stressed and judgmental. We also get tangled up reacting to the insecure thinking we are having… making communication and relationships a challenge. No more seeing the possibility of separate realities between us and others.
This is ‘the factor’ that gets in the way of communication and creates a sense of barrier within relationships. It is where we might actually be inclined to believe that we need to figure out ‘what to do’ in order to regulate, or manage either our feelings, or the feelings of others when we find ourselves reacting to our own insecure thinking.
Because we are outside-in with the logic of how we actually experience life moment to moment, we find ourselves seeking how to change things: believing that it is the only way out.
When we are outside-in with the logic and wisdom of where our moment to moment experience is actually coming from, it is simply a ‘deceptive illusion’ where all analytical thinking, illogical thinking, attitudes, and reactions are born.
This deceptive illusion is a sticky place to be be caught up in; it is where we block ourselves, it is where we get in our own way.
But there is only one way out, and it is through subtraction…
What is reliable and available to us at any given moment is that our minds are created to self-correct… and the nature of thought/feeling is that: they pass. The moment we see the deception and this ‘unnatural split’ for what it is, we are immediately immersed into the logic and wisdom of the constant source of where our experience is… and has always been coming from.
Thought in the moment.
Now here is where the subtractive piece comes in. Within the same moment, all that illogic we were caught up in… the insecurity, the barriers, the attitudes, and the thinking we had been blocked by are rendered useless and fall away.
When the logic and wisdom of all experience is, again, revealed to us… we are no longer targeting something other than thought as the cause of our experience. Rather, we are clearly in the ‘now’ with all our innate capacity of emotional intelligence available to naturally emerge; making separate realities, self-awareness, confidence, success, performance, strong relationships, communication, effortless leadership, and much more… available to us.
This is the key to ‘Emotional Intelligence.’
Aligned with the logic and wisdom of how we psychologically experience life moment to moment, we become available to understand not only how we experience life, but how others experience life, too. And as we may get caught outside-in with the logic and wisdom of how we are experiencing life, so do others. Judgements drop, compassion and understanding emerge.
This is truly awareness of self, others, and the world around us!
The more realizations we have in this direction, we find ourselves available to be resilient and calm through any conflict, any decision, or any situations that arise.
Here, we find psychological freedom and ease; This is how our innate natural EQ skills will thrive, deepen and develop.
We think, we feel, and sometimes it might not seem evident to us where our feelings are actually coming from. This is all part of the human experience.
As we evolve with more and more realizations into how we experience life, we become even more familiar to when we have fallen for the deceptive illusion of something other than thought creating our experience. And what is reliable again, and again, is that as soon as we notice it, we immediately come back to logic.
In essence this is true ‘Emotional Intelligence.